you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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