Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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