my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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