hell yes lets make some ravioli
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
