I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
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You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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