she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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