so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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