Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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