Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
