And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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