They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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