I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
