i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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