You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Randomize
