oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
her facebook's as public as her vagina
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
