he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
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Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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