I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
