It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
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I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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