Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
