i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
