I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
