i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
