i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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