you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My ass is underappreciated
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
