i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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