allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
