I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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