Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
