I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
