i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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