i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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