I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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