i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
