He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
