Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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