it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
