the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
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kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...