Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You were trust falling into bushes
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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