Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
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All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?