was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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