Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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