all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
