BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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