tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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