No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
