I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"