wat bout pragnant strippers??
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
In America we eat man semen.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.