Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.