sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
