haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
