And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
time to smoke my breakfast
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
