Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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