$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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