Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
