yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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