i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
