Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
