You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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