what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
