I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
