if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm getting married
To pizza
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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