Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As shirtless as possible
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
