i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
