Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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