Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
