Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.