my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?