Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.