For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
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So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well