He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.