It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
