I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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