i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
