I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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