Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize